I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
