I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
