Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
