god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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