I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
