he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
