...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
