Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
