people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
