You really coming over, don't trick.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
