Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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