Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
