My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
