And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
