how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
