we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
