Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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