how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
