y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
