Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
