Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
