watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
