You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
