it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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