how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
handjob tips. give me some.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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