I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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