I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
