Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
