i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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