ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There r osticjed everywhere
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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