??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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