She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
