Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
