i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
