wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
