he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
