The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
