It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
