Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
