1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
