If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
