Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
