i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Your penis caused this!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
