So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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