Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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