it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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