It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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