listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
