using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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