i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
