I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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