I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
