just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
